


a sage, a trickster, or a saint

by onibi



Category: Mesopotamian Mythology, Sumerian Mythology, The Epic of Gilgamesh
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Multi, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onibi/pseuds/onibi
Summary: “You know I just want the best for you,” Shamhat says.“Yeah. I know.”There’s a long pause.“I’m gonna fuck Gilgamesh,” Inanna says, matter-of-factly.Shamhat sighs, again. “Yeah. I know.” or - a high school "retelling" of the part in the epic of gilgamesh where he rejects inanna, and she fights back.... with pranks





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dieoniceus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieoniceus/gifts).



> title from .... you guessed it .... the epic himself

“Have you heard of this Gilgamesh guy?” Inanna asks, rolling her head back onto the table she’s lying on top of whilst chewing loudly on her gum. Shamhat’s stomach drops.

“No,” Shamhat says. “I mean, yeah, but no.”

“No what?”

“No to whatever you’re thinking.”

“You don’t know what I’m thinking!”

“I know you, and I love you, and I always know what you’re thinking. It’s always a bad idea.”

Inanna narrows her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’ve only ever had good ideas.”

Shamhat rests her face in her hands, and thinks over all of Inanna’s boyfriends over the past year alone. How many times she’s had to listen to her complain about _‘These dudes who won’t leave me alone just because I broke their hearts!”_ The same dudes who come up to Shamhat and complain about what a ‘bitch’ her best friend is. The same dudes who Shamhat always ends up punching in the face. The same dudes who land her in detention, every time.

She sighs. “Okay. I know Gilgamesh. He isn’t worth your time.”

Inanna blows a bubble with her gum. It pops, and she chews it thoughtfully. “But I mean. He’s been the talk of the school lately.”

“Doesn’t mean shit.”

“Hey! I’m always the talk of the school, and it means shit to me!”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Inanna rolls her eyes dramatically and pats Shamhat on the head. If it were anyone else, Shamhat probably would have tried to break their wrist. Her friendship with the queen of the school, Inanna, was always the exception.

“You know I just want the best for you,” Shamhat says.

“Yeah. I know.”

There’s a long pause.

“I’m gonna fuck Gilgamesh,” Inanna says, matter-of-factly.

Shamhat sighs, again. “Yeah. I know.”

 

-

 

Enkidu is exhausted. As much as he loves Gilgamesh, he’s getting sick of doing crazy shit with him all the time. They’re in homeroom, and class hasn’t started yet, when Gilgamesh bursts in and throws his bag onto Enkidu’s desk.

“Enkidu! Let’s break into the school tonight and draw dicks all over the whiteboards!”

“...Why?”

Gilgamesh shrugs. “It’d be funny.”

“To who?”

“Me!”

Enkidu scrunches up his face, about to list all the reasons this would be a bad idea, when they’re interrupted.

“Did someone mention breaking into the school tonight?”

It’s Inanna. _The_ Inanna. She’s talking to them. Why is she talking to _them?!_ And she’s with – Oh.

“Hey Enkidu,” Shamhat says. She looks bored.

“Hey,” he replies.

They kind of dated briefly. It was weird. He liked her, but it was pretty obvious she had eyes for someone else.

“I did,” Gilgamesh says, narrowing his eyes at the girl. She was scary. Like, Enkidu was terrified of her.

“That sounds fun,” Inanna says, curling some of her long, dark hair around her finger. She looks him up and down in a way that’s anything but subtle. “I think I’d like to join you, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“No thanks,” Gilgamesh says, and turns back to Enkidu. Who is currently having a heart attack. Everyone in the room is frozen, all the usual pre-school chatter falling completely silent.

“What did you just say?”

Gilgamesh frowns. “I said no thanks. Not interested.”

Inanna look of shock turns to one of fury. “Why the hell not?!”

“Everyone you’ve ever dated has ended up miserable,” he says with a shrug. “Which, by the way, is a lot of people.”

Silence.

Absolute silence.

Enkidu feels like the world is turning upside-down. Why. _Why_ does he have to be friends with this guy. Why does he have to care about this idiot _so much_.

Enkidu is so scared of what might be coming next, that he’s shocked when Inanna starts laughing. And then he’s terrified again, because it’s not nice laughter. It’s _oh shit my dude, you fucked up big time_ laughter.

She doesn’t even say anything as she leaves the room, just turns back when she’s at the door and points at Gilgamesh, laughing sinisterly again. Then, she’s gone.

“That was weird,” Gilgamesh says. “So, you on board for the dicks-on-the-whiteboard thing?”

Enkidu wants to strangle him.

 

-

 

“I just,” she starts. Then stops. Rubs her eyes. “I just don’t _get_ it. This has never happened to me before.”

“He’s a dick. So what? He’s not worth worrying about, and now you know that,” Shamhat says, smiling to herself as Inanna rests her head on her shoulder. The bus is almost empty now, Inanna’s stop is the last on the line.

“Like, I know that’s true, but I’m mad. You heard what he said. He basically called me a slut. Only I’m allowed to do that.”

Shamhat’s stomach constricts with anger. “Yeah. He has no right.” She sighs. “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but it’s pretty well known at school that he treats girls like shit.”

Inanna sits up straight. “What?”

Shamhat doesn’t meet her eyes. “Pretty much a world-renowned asshole. He’s only become bearable since he and Enkidu started hanging out.”

She can feel Inanna studying her face, calculating something. She tries not to let herself blush under the scrutiny.

“That’s it,” Inanna says, fully sure of herself.

“What?”

“We’re getting some good old fashioned revenge is what.”

“That sounds like a bad idea,” Shamhat says, but can’t stop herself from smiling at Inanna, who grins back, all teeth and dark eyes.

“I knew you’d be on board.”

 

-

 

They’re in the cafeteria the next day, arguing about who the best professional wrestler is, when Enkidu sees Inanna enter, immediately locking eyes on Gilgamesh.

He closes his mouth in shock, scared that the next thing he’s going to witness is the brutal murder of his best friend. Instead, he sees her smile, and gracefully take her usual seat with Shamhat.

Weird. Unsettling.

“Are you even listening?” Gilgamesh asks.

“No,” he says honestly, ignoring Gilgamesh’s look of anger and betrayal. “Dude, why aren’t you worried about Inanna?”

“Who?”

Enkidu groans. “Fuck. You’re gonna be the death of me, I just know it.”

Gilgamesh chews his sandwich thoughtfully. “Oh, yeah. The chick from yesterday who was all over me.”

Enkidu flinches. “We’ve talked about this. Can’t talk about girls that way.”

“Why not?”

“Because! They’re people!” Enkidu closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. “One of the conditions of our relationship, remember? Be nice. Be civil. Be a _person._ ”

“Right, right, yeah. Shit. You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”

Enkidu rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

They finish eating, and Enkidu’s on the edge of his seat the whole time, looking over at Inanna, who looks almost unsettlingly happy. She catches his eyes a few times and he feels all the blood drain from his body. How Gilgamesh cannot be afraid of her is unfathomable to him.

The bell rings, and Enkidu gets up to leave. He stops when Gilgamesh doesn’t follow him.

“What’s up?” he asks, watching Gilgamesh’s face turn from confusion, to grim understanding.

He watches him stand up, half bent over, taking the chair up with him.

There is uproarious laughter from across the cafeteria.

“Well,” Gilgamesh says, “Looks like I’m glued to this chair.”

Enkidu can’t help it. He starts laughing too. When Gilgamesh frowns at him, he just laughs even harder.

“Gonna help me? Or just stand there laughing?”

Enkidu wipes his eyes. “I don’t know, man. It’s pretty funny.”

Gilgamesh sighs and sits back down, turning over to catch Shamhat and Inanna high-fiving, before walking out of the cafeteria.

 

-

 

“ _Shit._ Did you hear what the dude from 5-A said about it?” one of the girls in the class the next day says to Inanna, who is glowing with happiness.

“No! Tell me!”

“He walked in twenty minutes late, in his gym shorts. Got himself detention, and spent the rest of the class facing the wall, embarrassed as hell.”

Inanna rests her chin in her hands and grins up at the ceiling. “Ah. It’s more than I ever could have dreamed.”

Shamhat wouldn’t really call herself a prank-person. What she would call herself is an Inanna-person. Particularly, she’s a huge fan of anything that makes Inanna happy. So, today, the both of them were feeling extremely pleased with themselves, despite Shamhat’s belief that she’d never involve herself in stuff like this.

The things she does for her best friend now includes covering a chair in super glue whilst Inanna watches, waiting to give the signal that it was time to run.

It’s a good morning.

That is, until Gilgamesh comes in.

Inanna grins at him. “What are you doing here? This isn’t your homeroom.”

“No, it’s not. I’m here to say that yesterday was weak.”

She pouts. “Aw, is Gilgamesh upset that I ruined his pants and got him detention? Like you don’t deserve it for what you said to me.”

“No, I’m not upset. I’m disappointed. It wasn’t exactly an imaginative prank. I would have expected better from someone everyone’s so afraid of, for whatever reason.”

Shamhat’s about to lean forward and give this dude a piece of her mind, when Inanna breaks into a grin.

“That’s how it’s gonna be, is it?”

Gilgamesh nods. “I’ll see you around.”

He leaves, and Shamhat takes a few seconds to process.

“Fuck. What has he done to us?” Shamhat asks in horror.

“I guess we’re gonna find out,” Inanna says, grinning way too much.

Immidiately, she regrets making her friend happy. Bad ideas. All bad ideas. It's her job to reject these bad ideas, not encourage them.

What has she gotten herself into?

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://o-nibi.tumblr.com)!!!


End file.
